Are lobsters left or right-handed, or both?
They are both as each claw is used for a different purpose, one for crushing and the other with finer teeth, for tearing.
How does overweight come on you?
Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.
Asking the Waiter
Waiter, my plate's wet!
That's not wet, sir. That's the soup!
Knock-Knock
Who's there? Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in!
Ice Cream Flavor Galore
A January 1994 Reuters News Service reported a story on Manuel Oliveira's ice cream shop in Merida, Venezuela. He had 567 flavors in total ranging from unique flavors of onion, chili, beer, eggplant, smoked trout, to spaghetti parmesan, chicken with rice, and spinach. He said some flavors fail; he once abandoned the avocado ice cream and tossed out 99 pounds of it because it wasn't smooth enough.
Tendjewberrymud
This is a telephone exchange recorded and published between a hotel guest and room service at an Asian hotel. This was nominated the "best email of 1997". Read out loud for best results (pronounciations)~
Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service"
RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"
G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"
RS: "Ow July den?"
G: "What??"
RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"
G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine."
RS : "Hokay. An San tos?"
G: "What?"
RS:"San tos. July San tos?"
G: "I don't think so"
RS: "No? Judo one toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what
'judo one toes 'means."
RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We bother?"
G: "No..just put the bother on the side."
RS: "Wad?"
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
RS: "Copy?"
G: "Sorry?"
RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"
G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem,tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??"
G: "Whatever you say"
RS: "Tendjewberrymud"
G: "You're welcome"
Potato Joke
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato?
Anything, just butter him up.
